Stage 3 of 6
0 done
Stage three
Under the iceberg
Half-day workshop
We work the drivers: growth, usefulness, control, relief. Leaders name the payoff they get from the habit they say they want to stop.
The behavior is above the water. The thought, the fear, the belief, the need, the payoff. That is the part nobody sees, including you.
This is the honest part. A habit sticks because it pays. Taking over pays in certainty. Pulling away pays in relief. Answering fast pays in feeling useful.
Until a leader says the payoff out loud, the new behavior is just a resolution. Once they say it, it becomes a choice they can catch in real time.
Run it: step by step
0 of 5 checked
1. Draw the waterline
10 min
- · One line across the whiteboard. Above it: what people see. Below it: thought, feeling, belief, need, payoff.
- · Put yesterday's traced loop above the line and leave everything below it blank.
- · Tell the room the whole afternoon is spent below that line.
2. Five whys, out loud
40 min
- · Triads. One speaker, one asker, one writer. Rotate every twelve minutes.
- · The asker asks only one question, five times: 'And what do you get out of that?'
- · The writer captures the last answer word for word. That last answer is usually the payoff.
Say it like this
“You are not looking for the noble reason. You are looking for the one that makes you slightly uncomfortable to say in front of two peers.”
3. Say the payoff without softening it
25 min
- · Back in the full room, each leader says one sentence: 'When I do this, I get ___.'
- · No caveats, no 'but really it's because.' One sentence, then silence.
- · Nobody responds. The room just hears them.
4. Write the belief underneath
20 min
- · Under the payoff, write the belief that makes it feel necessary. 'If I don't, it will be wrong.' 'If I stop being useful, I'm not needed.'
- · Check it against evidence: name one time the belief was flatly false.
- · Keep the sheet. It goes in your notebook, not in a shared folder.
5. Pick your interrupt question
25 min
- · Write three candidate questions you could ask yourself in the two seconds before you react.
- · Test each one against a real cue from stage two. Keep the one that actually slows your hand.
- · Say it to the room. Then write it somewhere you will see it every day: the top of your notes doc, a card on your monitor.
Say it like this
“Default if nothing better lands: What am I protecting right now, and what am I teaching them to do next?”
What you need in the room
- · Whiteboard with a waterline drawn across it
- · Triad worksheets: payoff, belief, evidence against
- · Index cards for the interrupt question
Debrief questions
- · Which payoff was hardest to say without adding a reason?
- · Whose belief sounded like yours in different words?
- · What would you have to give up to stop collecting that payoff?
How this stage gets wrecked
It slides into therapy
Below the waterline gets personal fast. Keep it aimed at behavior at work. If someone goes somewhere heavy, thank them, move on, and follow up privately. Your job is the loop, not the childhood.
Before the next stage
Each leader carries their interrupt question for a week before stage four sets the cadence. No logging yet. Just catch yourself.
What each leader does
- · Say your payoff out loud: 'When I do this, I get ___.'
- · Write the belief underneath it in one sentence.
- · Pick the one interrupt question you will ask before you react.
How you know it landed
Each leader can state their payoff without softening it.